I can't hide who I am.....

I can't hide who I am. I can't change my name, wear colored contacts and die my hair, and NOT be Asian. I have forever been subject to some sort of judgement or comment concerning my family, name and non accent. I got to a point where I would have a one minute speech ready, when the inevitable confused look would overcome someones face, after I stood up after my name was called.

It's exhausting always defining myself then defending who I am, against racist and ignorant comments. I would be that person, laughing along with stereotypes, even participating in them sometimes, just to make it "comfortable" for everyone. But what about me? What about my feelings, how are those so easily pushed aside and forgotten? I guess I've just been struggling lately with always defending who I am, to unwarranted comments and judgements on who they think I should be.

Finding the balance....

It breaks my heart, when I hear other adoptee's going through what I've struggled through and what I'm still struggling with. I wish I had an easy answer, it gets better with time, age and distance. But the truth is its a never ending journey. There is a true balance that we need to achieve, the ability to deal with the ebbs and flows of our journey. One day you will be overwhelmed with emotions, issues, and other days they remain in the background. We can't hide the way we look, we can't run away from who we are.
We are special, beautiful, smart, funny and unique. Never forget that. It can seem overwhelming at times, isolating, lonely, but that's when your community can step in, and help lift that weight off your shoulders and let you breathe. I didn't have anyone to talk to when I was younger, so take advantage of the people that care about you and can relate to what you're going through. You don't have to do it on your own....