Advice...

One of my childhood friends adopted a boy from Korea. I was so happy for her and overjoyed to see how excited they were to finally have him be a part of their family. I never thought about the issues he might have, once he got older, because at the time, I was still in denial myself with my own issues. I realize now after the summer, how much my perspective has changed. I've listened to hundreds of kids, wept and laughed with them, and realized how beautiful it is to have a community of adoptees present in my life.

Recently she reached out to me, and it made my heart ache to think at such a young age, he was already having identity issues. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I asked a friend. He told me never deny the fact they are different, the worse thing you can say is that I don't even see you as Asian or different, I am colorblind. In saying that you are calling them crazy, if I don't feel that way how can you? What you are feeling is invalid. What you should say is yes, you are different, beautiful, special and unique. Celebrate that, be proud of what and who you are. Never be ashamed or embarrassed, because you are amazing just the way you are.

But I truly feel that words can only help so much. After a while they will seem empty if they have no one that they can connect to and express their feelings to, who can truly understand what they are going through. Make it the norm for them to have a community in their lives.....it will make a world of difference.

Atlanta Retreat 2011

This weekend reminded me of why our adoptee community is so important. For someone who never had access to other adoptees, I realize how profound these camps, retreats, and picnics impact our lives. It gives us a sense of family, support and understanding. For that brief moment, it shows us that we are not alone, that there are thousands of us out there, willing to accept and love us, because we can relate to each other, in a way no one else can in our lives. A part of our identity that will forever be defined, explained and judged by other people. That is why it is so important we have these opportunities to be brought together and educate ourselves and other non adoptees on our unique and special circumstances.

I am so lucky to be a part of this experience for other adoptees. I can only hope that this community will keep expanding, where every adoptee feels connected and NOT alone. I can only hope that the distance between us, will keep shrinking and we will feel like no matter where we are, we are always supported and understood. And if we need someone to talk to they are only a phone call or text or skype converstation away. Stay connected, keep building this amazing community, the strength and love you get from these fellow adoptees is priceless. A gift. With every adoptee I meet, I becoming more blessed, being able to share my story and hopefully giving them advice and knowledge from my experiences. And in turn, teaching me how to be strong, confident and loved for who I am.

Post Camp

I realize how quickly we fall back into our lives, the daily grind, the normal routine, the friends we surround ourselves with. This all plays into who we are in that moment in time. I realize being away from camp, how much the affect of what has happened effects my day to day routine. I am constantly aware of who I am, where I am and what I allow to define the person I am becoming. I was never as confident and aware as I am now. I will not allow this summer to be a distant memory, it will remain a part of who I am every minute of every day.

It was hard at first to fall back into my normal routine. I wasn't the same person I was before this summer, so how could I return to "this" life. I was skeptical and scared being away from my community of adoptees. I wasn't sure if I would be able to relate to the people in my life anymore. How could they possibly understand what I had been through? Would they really want to listen to what I had learned, seen and experienced? And would I even want to share with them what had happened to me over the summer. I kept it close to my chest for a long time, not wanting that feeling to be belittled by other people.

I didn't want this amazing summer to be reduced to, "Oh yeah it was a great summer!" So it took a long time for me to actually talk about my experiences. Which I did, and it felt unbelievable, because for the first time, the people in my life that couldn't relate, now see from an entirely new perspective and understanding. Which made them feel closer to me, than ever before.

Change...

I'm always dumbfounded when people say, "They can't change, that's just how they are." I find it to be such a cop out. I believe people are always capable of change, in fact, I hope they are growing and learning and changing all the time. I believe its a choice, and some people choose not to change. For them I can only feel sympathy, because they are missing out on so much life experiences. Defining moments that alter the way we view and feel about life.

I've learned alot from this past week. I've talked to my parent's about topics I've always been afraid or not encouraged to ask. But I realized if I were to learn anything, if my parent's were to learn anything, this was the time to test that theory. My dad is an amazing man. He has always been a mentor to me. As a child, the few times I have tried to express my issues on adoption, he would listen, and always say just be proud of who you are. I guess he didn't realize I had no idea who I was, my identity was a mystery at that age. I felt I was in limbo, not really belonging to my family and not really knowing what being Asian was. I looked one way on the outside, but felt completely different on the inside.

I asked him if he ever thought about the reality of adopting a child of a different race. He said he never thought about it. I didn't understand, you never thought about it? How is that possible? Well he said he was so thankful and excited about adopting me, and becoming his daughter, nothing else mattered. From the moment I was put into his arms, I was his daughter, blood or not. I was apart of his family and that's all that mattered.

Now for a minute I stood back and thought, how ignorant. I am being raised in an all white family, a small suburban town, with little to no diversity and you wouldn't think I would have issues with that? But I have to say for the first time ever, I actually understood my dad. I got it. It was hard to hear from my perspective, but I could see for the first time, his perspective.

As an adult, I might disagree with their thinking, but I have to say, I know I was loved. I had a great childhood, and yes it was marred with ignorant incidents and racist comments, but my family always stuck by me. They could never relate, but they tried to raise me and love me the best way they knew how. So I can only be thankful, and grateful that now, after what I've learned from this summer, working with other adoptees, it's never too late to change. My dad recognizes my issues and we can for the first time have a conversations about it. I can only be thankful, that good or bad, everything that has happened to me, has helped define the person I am today.