One of my childhood friends adopted a boy from Korea. I was so happy for her and overjoyed to see how excited they were to finally have him be a part of their family. I never thought about the issues he might have, once he got older, because at the time, I was still in denial myself with my own issues. I realize now after the summer, how much my perspective has changed. I've listened to hundreds of kids, wept and laughed with them, and realized how beautiful it is to have a community of adoptees present in my life.
Recently she reached out to me, and it made my heart ache to think at such a young age, he was already having identity issues. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I asked a friend. He told me never deny the fact they are different, the worse thing you can say is that I don't even see you as Asian or different, I am colorblind. In saying that you are calling them crazy, if I don't feel that way how can you? What you are feeling is invalid. What you should say is yes, you are different, beautiful, special and unique. Celebrate that, be proud of what and who you are. Never be ashamed or embarrassed, because you are amazing just the way you are.
But I truly feel that words can only help so much. After a while they will seem empty if they have no one that they can connect to and express their feelings to, who can truly understand what they are going through. Make it the norm for them to have a community in their lives.....it will make a world of difference.
Thanks so much for your advice! I love that I can turn to you. I did exactly what your friend suggested ( Guess I did listen at all of my preadopt meetings) I feel so lucky that he is growing up in a time when we, as adoptive parents are much more "educated" than our parents were. I think that being an adoptee on its own creates some identity issues but a transracial adoption is even harder. I am blessed to have many "families like ours" with whom we meet up with a few times a year. Our agency also has culture camp and family day so we get to be a part of that as well. I have looked into some kind of Big Brother type programs through the Korean American Student Associations at local colleges. I am sure that I will be able to give him all of the tools I can to feel proud of being an American with Korean roots!
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