I realize how quickly we fall back into our lives, the daily grind, the normal routine, the friends we surround ourselves with. This all plays into who we are in that moment in time. I realize being away from camp, how much the affect of what has happened effects my day to day routine. I am constantly aware of who I am, where I am and what I allow to define the person I am becoming. I was never as confident and aware as I am now. I will not allow this summer to be a distant memory, it will remain a part of who I am every minute of every day.
It was hard at first to fall back into my normal routine. I wasn't the same person I was before this summer, so how could I return to "this" life. I was skeptical and scared being away from my community of adoptees. I wasn't sure if I would be able to relate to the people in my life anymore. How could they possibly understand what I had been through? Would they really want to listen to what I had learned, seen and experienced? And would I even want to share with them what had happened to me over the summer. I kept it close to my chest for a long time, not wanting that feeling to be belittled by other people.
I didn't want this amazing summer to be reduced to, "Oh yeah it was a great summer!" So it took a long time for me to actually talk about my experiences. Which I did, and it felt unbelievable, because for the first time, the people in my life that couldn't relate, now see from an entirely new perspective and understanding. Which made them feel closer to me, than ever before.
Can definitely relate! I miss you and everyone so much! But definitely looking for other adoptee connections locally and everywhere else helps to keep everything we learned this summer really, really relevant for me. I chatted with a woman in the UK recently (who was actually supposed to be a counselor this summer but then ended up not being able to do it!!) and she was saying how there is nothing like Holt camp, or any other adoptee camp, where she is living. So it meant a great deal to her to know that at least something SOMEwhere existed for her and other adoptees.
ReplyDeleteSo keep blogging Tracy! And your book...ahhh! Want to read it NOW :)
PS. I've started talking (a little bit) more with Adam about my "stuff" ... his reactions were so much better than in the past and it does feel better each time, so thanks.