Panels....

I've never been asked to be on a panel, until this past summer. I worked at Holt Adoption Camps all summer and traveled around the United States, writing and implementing curriculum for the camps, and running adoption talks. But I have to say, one of the most therapeutic things I did, was being asked to be on these panels, where we answered questions the director asked us, and then answered questions from adoptive parents. Not only was this the first time I had been around adoptees, it was the first time I've talked about some of these issues, let alone said them out loud in front of total strangers. It gave me a sense of relief, putting out there all of these feelings I've been suppressing for most of my life. A huge weight was lifted and it felt amazing. At first I was nervous and not sure what I wanted to share, and terrified of what parent's would ask me. But after the first time, I loved it. It not only helped me mentally and emotionally, it helped educate these parents, who really wanted to listen and learn from our experiences.

This past week, I was asked to be on another panel, but instead of adoptive parents, it was the Asian Community of Atlanta. There were about 30 people there, and it was completely laid back and supportive. But it had a completely different feel. They really felt for us, and maybe they had very specific feelings about adoptees, and issue with that, but for the first time, for some of them, they really got to see it from a perspective they never had the opportunity to view it from, and it really affected them. I had one man, probably around 55-60, come up to me after, and say,"Thank you so much for sharing your story. I will be thinking about this for a very long time." And I could see the tears in his eyes. I was overwhelmed. I had no idea what he had gone through, but I could tell it was significant and he had a huge emotional reaction to our stories.

I realized that even within the Asian community,there is still the need to educate, because they see us physically, and assume so many things about us, having no idea who and what we are, aside from what we look like. They are disappointed or disgusted sometimes, that we don't know Korean, or have not embraced our birth culture. They don't realize the struggles we had, with our identity, growing up in an all white family, and an all white community. They can't relate, and so we are constantly caught in this limbo, where we feel isolate and alone. But I appreciate opportunities like this, to be able to educate and bring together people, that maybe for the first time, can see from a different perspective and hopefully understand for a moment, what we struggle with, everyday.