Adult sessions and Adoptee Panels.....

One of the most important things I do at camp, is the adoptee panel and the parent adoption sessions.  I ran most of them last year, and this summer.  It gave me a chance for the first time, to hear the concerns, questions and love the parents have for their children.

I assume, like my parent's ,they love their kids, completely thankful they have them in their lives and worry about the well being of their sons and daughters.  But unlike other families, adopted children have many layers, not just being a kid or teenager, or young adult but the questions, struggles and identity conflict that make up a part of being an adoptee.  It ebbs and flows throughout an adoptee's life, sometimes at the forefront, other times not even a conscious thought.  

Parent's look at their children and want the best for them.  To take away any pain or fears, and love them unconditionally.  I understand that,completely, but there is no easy fix for an adoptee.  Whether they are talking to you about this or not, it's there, conscious, subconscious, permeating their everyday lives.  Like most, we are adopted into white families.  Raised in prodominately white communites and usually with few if not any adoptees around.  As much as we try to blend, we can't hide who or what we are.  Now I'm speaking from a strickly personal point of view, being Korean and a female.  I can't hide the fact, that I'm asain, and when I go out with my parents I can't hide the fact that I do not look like them.  

I realized my experience is unique and personal and all mine.  I've seen alot of different adoptee stories this summer and I can relate on some levels but there are still differences among us, that not even I can understand.   

So when I am supervising these sessions with the parents, I'm thinking about all of this.  I am conscious that some parent's might not want to hear what I have to say.  Some parents say, well that's not my kid, they're fine.  Well yes, they are, but they still have these thoughts, questions and concerns.  I've heard them all week long, they've written them down, talked to their counselors about it.  They just might not be ready, comfortable or able to talk to you about it yet.  That's all, plain and simple.  That's why I tell parent's how important it is to keep that door open.  Make it known that you are willing to just listen, you might not have all of the answers, but that's ok.  Usually a kid just wants to be heard.  

So these are my thoughts right now.....I want to talk about what the sessions were like and what was asked of me and other adoptees.  And how that exprience impacted the adoptees and parents.  It's a bit overwhelming sometimes, but in the end it's about knowledge, and I am a true believer that knowledge is power.....

Part 2.....

So I said my goodbyes and boarded the plane for Eugene.  I had no real expectations for this summer.  I knew that it would be amazing, and I would meet new counselors and see old friends, but I had no idea how it was going to change my perspective, yet once again, on how I relate to adoptees....

Camp is such a unique experience.  I can't explain to you how much, after the fact, it has impacted who I am.  I realized how important it is to not only talk about race, adoption and identity, but also how to connect personally with the campers and counselors.  I mean it is after all why we do this, right? For the campers, and to make their experience special and valuable.  But it's also effects us, to share in that experience with them.....to listen, relate and understand how important this family we are creating is...

I realized for the first time, how much the community we are building, is needed, wanted and has to be expanded into just more than one week out of the year, for these adoptees.

It's this unspoken bond, this complete level of understanding that is so rare in our everyday lives.  Yes, I have tons of non adoptee friends, and do I talk about being adopted with my adopted friends all of the time, no.  But there is a layer of ourselves we cannot not deny.  I've seen it, in adoption talks, listening to personal stories, there is a definite need to have someone you can relate to.  Girls need it, boys need it, and yes adoptees need it too.

We might not express it, think about it or even feel it right now, but its a sub conscience thought.  It's a layer of ourselves that define a part of who we are.  And we can't deny how special that experience is when we are around other adoptees.