Thank you

Thank you guys for reading and becoming followers!! I appreciate it more than you know!! I plan on posting once a week, so let me know what you think!! Love you guys!!

Its a constant battle dealing with the issue of my identity. Before this summer, I was in limbo. Raised in an all white family, in a small suburban town, I was the only adoptee. I was acutely aware of how different I was and how I didn't quite fit in with my family. I mean they never made me feel adopted, they were great at trying to assimilate me into being a Foley, but I was constantly reminded in public that I was always going to be viewed as not one of them. Whether it was strangers asking ignorant questions, or other kids pointing out," Oh those are YOUR parents?"

I guess I got use to it, so I became immune to those comments as a kid. The few Asians in my town, I'm talking about 3 other Asians, were all raised by Asian parents, raised in their culture, and again something I couldn't relate to. So it was hard for me to understand their perspectives on life. I have to admit being around other Asian as a kid made me uncomfortable. I wanted so much to be white, that I guess in my mind, being around other Asians, would make remind people that I was Asian. I know, stupid. I remember asking my dad, "Well I look more white than Asian, right?"

But the struggle I have is that so many Caucasians expect me to want to get in touch with my roots, and are almost mad or confused on why I wouldn't want to know more about my heritage. I would get upset because why do I have to investigate that part of me? Do you see the struggle, I was raised American, look Korean, but feel white. So before this summer, I had no interest in exploring my heritage. I didn't feel Korean, in fact, I hated being Asian, well hates a strong word, but had issue with being Asian. I never felt like that was an important identity I needed to examine.

But now my perspective has changed. I don't know what it is, but being around all those adoptees this summer, and hearing their stories, really changed me. It made me proud to be Korean, and for the first time, I didn't look around in a room and wish I was that pretty brunette in the corner. I had pride in who I was and that was a first. I could look in the mirror and actually like the person staring back at me.

I know after this summer, I'm not the only person that has felt this way, so I pose a question, if you've ever dealt with this inner struggle, adopted or not, how did you get to a place where you could look at yourself in the mirror and love the person staring back at you?

I

Holt Camp 2011

It's taken a good three weeks for me to truly reflect on what has happened to me this summer. I can't even begin to tell my close friends how much this camp experience has changed my life. It was the first time I've been around other adoptees, and it was overwhelming for me at first. I was surrounded by people that could finally relate to what I had been going through my entire life. Imagine that, all these years, alone, feeling slightly crazy for having suppressed all of those feelings and now I had 20 other people that could validate my experiences and feelings...I have finally found a community that I belong to. Where I can be myself and not be judged or made fun of. Its an amazing feeling to finally have found a place where I belong, feel safe and have others that can relate, who truly get it......

So two more weeks and I'm off to camp! It's funny I started packing and then realized I've never been to an overnight camp? What do I bring? Sad thing is I've never even been camping, so I'm pretty much screwed. Thank God my husband travels, a lot, so he has so much stuff to help me out on my pathetic attempt to pack. He's so prepared with things I wouldn't even think of, like my very own clothes line, I can hang up, so my non-dryer clothes won't get ruined or I can air out my stuff at the end of the day......Love him!

I have to admit, I'm a little nervous, but excited! It will be the first time I'm around more than one other adoptee! Crazy! I'm not going to put any expectations on this summer, but I know that I will learn so much about myself this summer.

I talked to my dad on Father's Day and even as a young kid, he always said, give back, no matter what you do in your life, Tracy, give back to others. I hope that I can do that this summer....

So in 4 weeks I am off to Atlanta.....My life begins..

New beginings.....

I need to get use to writing on this everyday....or at least once a week. I'm so excited because today the director of the camp put us all on a group text so we can chat....Love it! I can't tell you how excited I am for this summer!! I'm hoping for the first time in my life to have tons of adopted friends and family....This definitely will be life changing....

Its funny, I was on the Holt website and wrote a quick blurb of how I felt about my experience on being adopted. I was amazed at how many people responded and read my thoughts. I started to realize that I really wanted to try and be more involved in adoption world. So I decided to apply and inquire about their summer camps. Man, I wish they had the camp when I was a kid! So I talked to the director Steve, who was amazing and applied. I am happy to say I was accepted and will be working with them this summer!!! I can't describe to you how excited I am to be apart of this camp! I think it will be life changing for me.

See I never had an adopted friend before, someone to relate to and share my experiences with! Steve said after this summer, I'll have more than I know what to do with!! Awesome!! Its hard to be all alone, to have no one to relate to, even at my age. Its crazy how all of our stories are so similar and the base of what we want is exactly the same. I realized that even in our thirties, we still have unresolved issues from being raised in all white families and all white communities. I wish there was camps for adults!! LOL